Job Hunting

Oh how depressing it is to go job hunting. Today I offically started my ordeal of "begging". Its so demoralizing to be looking for work. Please let me come work for you..please..please. Oh, how I hate it. I`d forgotten what it was like to look for work. All of my prayers now will end with " Please Lord, send me a job".
God bless.

Crazy - Gnarls Barkley - Official Video

I love this tune.

Memories

Not having a job to go will give you plenty of time to think...about past and present. Today I was thinking of when I was growing up...summer time then was getting up early and working in the vegetable garden and helping out with inside chores when the early morning garden chores were done. I`m like my daddy in that I loved to be in the garden. Mama would can all summer long.. tomatoes, corn, green beans, butter beans , pickles..anything daddy took a notion to plant would wind up in a jar by the end of summer.
Ahhh those meals mama use to cook for us....I can taste them now. When I was little I took it all for granted but now I know that those were the best meals I`ll ever have because mama cooked them for the family she loved so much. It really does make a difference in how food tastes , when the person cooking loves you. Sure beats someone that hates you putting arsenic in your food..hehehe.
Mama put love into it. Thats her favorite thing to do anyway, she cooks, and cooks and cooks. She use to do fried green tomatoes that I simply loved and still do to this day (but I can`t do them like her), and she`d make the best cornbread in an iron skillet that was to die for. Hot out of the oven with butter smeared on a piece of it is so heavenly. She also can do fried apple-jack pies that you just don`t know when to stop eating. My uncle ( her brother) can eat them all most as fast as she can make them....and of all things he never gains a pound either. I can look at them and feel my thighs stretching. She`d fry potatoes with onion in them and pinto beans and steamed cabbage combined with that wonderful cornbread and you`d be in food heaven.We`d make homemade ice cream in one of those old crank freezors..one of us kids would sit on it and the rest of would take turns cranking that thing till it was frozzen stiff...or we`d have ice cold watermelon that daddy had put in the spring water down at the creek to get cold...juice running down your little arms and making streaks down your belly from playing without a shirt on all day and you`re dusty and dirty...oh my I think I`d better go drink a Slim-Fast before I do something that I`ll regret.
This is what being on a DIET does to you!!!!
God bless

My days are running together

This being a lady of leisure is for the birds. I`m going to have to find something to do to keep myself busy. Start a little business or something. I`d always told myself that when I retire I`m going to have a set routine..get up at a certain time , do certain things on specific days..you know , have a routine. Well, I think I`m going to have to do that before I retire. Starting tomorrow. I`ll have to think on this for a little bit...but yes ..I`ll start tomorrow..doing ....something. I wish I could invent something, or write a book, make something that people couldn`t live without....ummm let me think...
God bless.

Oh,CRAP!!

Oh crap, I let me temper get the best of me today at work and now I`m at home. I just couldn`t hold it in any longer so I walked out...one of those "take this job and shove it " days. I`ve been there 13 yrs..whewww. Now I have to think about what to do next....another full time job or a part timer? I think I`ll just rest for the rest of the week and decide later.
I`m pulling a Scarlet O`Hara.."I`ll think about it tomorrow."
God bless.

Monday morning blues..

It`s that time again and it feels like I haven`t had a weekend at all, especially since my job calls for six days a week lately. I only have Sunday off, and thats just not enough time to get all the home stuff done and try to get a little bit of rest. I haven`t been to church in three weeks, because I`m so tired. I laughingly say that I go to "Bedside Baptist Church", meaning I watch church on TV on the Sundays that I don`t actually go. I hope the Lord forgives me for this oversite.
Its so hot here in North Carolina..so muggy. I can`t wait till the weather breaks and cooler temps prevail. I`m a Spring, Fall person anyway. I don`t like extremes..hot-hot, or cold-cold.
Spring is so new. Everythings given another chance to get it right. New berth, in animals, humans, trees, flowers... Smells are at their best in the spring. Sweet honeysuckle, buttercups, new mown grass. Oh , I love the smell of new grass after its cut. We have a shrub in the south that we call " Sweet Bubby" ,I know thats not its real name but its what I`ve always heard it called, it has the most divine smell..like vanilla-pineapple...its a little brown blossom...not much to look at but I do love to smell it. I guess its just one of those things from child-hood that you catch a scent of and instantly you `re back in that time.
Fall is so invigorating to me..that cool crisp nip in the air..beautiful turning leaves...everything looks like its glowing. And besides the best holidays occur in the fall and early winter..Thanksgiving and Christmas...enough said.
God bless.

Daddy

I`ve had daddy on my mind a lot lately. Daddy`s been gone since 2001. I never got along with daddy for many many years. Then he had a heart attack and he needed family. I loved him all those years but I didn`t like him. You see daddy drank very badly. All my growing up years were filled with bouts of drinking and all us kids doing without because of the drinking. Daddy would drink his pay check up and mama would have to get help from Grampa ( her dad) to see us through. I don`t see how mama got through it but she loved him so much I guess she was the glue that held everything together. I always held so much resentment towards him all those years, for the way we had to grow up. But I guess we all have a time in our lives when we ourselves start to look at others differently and instead of seeing the actions of a person, you start to wonder why ..what brought this person to this point. Thats what happened to me. I looked at daddy differently one day and wondered "What makes him want to drown himself in liquor?", "What happened to daddy ?", "Whats in his mind and heart that makes him try to destroy himself?"
I`d always thought that he`d always be here. I could never imagine a world without him in it. It`s funny ..when he was here I use to go visit but I couldn`t wait to leave as soon as I could. Then daddy had an awakening of sorts.. he gave his heart to the Lord, and he became a different person. He stopped drinking for the last probably fifteen or twenty years of his life. He was truely my daddy then. He`d say the blessing at the table , he`d go to church, he`d pray, and I know in my heart that even though the doctors said his heart was too damaged for him to live long, I knew that he had recieved a new heart , a kind heart. He loved us and tried to show it in his own way . But I don`t think daddy had a lot of love in his life before mama came along and he didn`t know how to show what he felt. Poor old thing, I guess its like not being able to speak..not being able to say " I love you" in time. Before its to late.
I grew closer to him in the latter part of his life, and as usual we`d even argue about religion. Mama said it was because we were so much alike that we always seemed to butt heads. I don`t know what it was but now when I think of him I wish I had a chance to go visit him and just sit and talk and talk and talk to him and tell him that I love him, really love him. I miss him. So much. I hope he knows that.
God bless.

Zoe, you`re soooo pretty

My sweet little Zoe has had her trip to the beauty shop and she looks so pretty...and cooler. She was so glad to see me when I walked in that door. She wanted to get home so badly.Poor little thing was getting so hot in this weather with all that hair. She doesn`t normally like a bath but the last few times she has enjoyed them so much..she`ll run, lickidy-split all over the house after a bath and there`s not a surface that she doesn`t rub against. Then she wants to go out doors so she can wallow in the grass...or something..she`ll walk around till she finds "some scent" then she fall down and wallow in it...little huzzy.
Mama was going to cook a supper for me, to come by yesterday and pick up but I knew that Zoe would need to get home as soon as possible. So she`s going to do it next week some evening...ummm ..cornbread( she makes the BEST), blackeyed peas, steamed cabbage and roasted potatoes. My favorites... Ohhhh, how I love my mama.
God Bless.

Zoe, my sweet baby..

Zoe( toy poodle) is going to the groomers tomorrow morning. She doesn`t know that yet. She won`t know until the very last minute. If she gets the smallest idea that I`m going to put her in the car she thinks she going to the vet ..to be poked, prodded and jabbed. Poor little thing has been through a lot this past few months. She has a collapsing trachea and its so sad to see her trying to get her breath, but the vet has her on some meds that seem to be working so well, she hardly ever has a spell with it anymore...( I sound like Grandma saying " spell")
Anyway I know she`ll think we`re going to the vets in the morning but really she`ll wind up at the pet beauty shop.
I know a lot of people don`t give a thought to animals and I didn`t either until I had my first pet ( another toy poodle) named Tessa. Oh , how I loved her. She was my best friend and she seemed to know when I was down..she`d come and sit by be so quiet and still and just look at me. I was fortunate enough to have her for 7 yrs. One day she started getting sick and within a week she was so bad that I had to have her put to sleep. I was with her to the very end..whispering to her what a wonderful friend and pet she was , that I loved her and I was so sorry this was happening to her. She was so still. I think she was tired of being sick and I hope she knew that I was doing what I thought was best for her ..to end her suffering. It was November and the ground was so hard . It took hubby most of the afternoon to dig her grave, My neighbor had built a little coffin..beautiful, with a cross inlayed on the top for her. I put a new blanket inside for her, along with some of her favorite things and a picture of us all as a family..me , hubby , her and Zoe, and a lock of my hair..I also took a lock of hers. Maybe it sounds silly to some folks but I really loved that little hair ball.
That was a hard thing to do, to part with her..it was harder to think of her there under the grape arbor.
Its always hard to lose someone you love ..human or animal.
God Bless.

Doctor`s Orders

Joy, joy, joy. I`ve lost six lbs since I saw the doctor last. At this rate he`s gonna see a lot less of me my visit. He asked for it and he`s going to get. Yesterday was so hot here and more so at work. The air isn`t working really well so everyone is suffering. Some of my people decided to order out for milkshakes...and the little weasels ordered one for me. I couldn`t be mean and not take it so I enjoyed mine along with the rest of them ( thinking that I surely gain some from this) well, this morning I`d lost another lb. Yeahhhhh, maybe that the miracle I`ve been looking for all my life.....a milkshake diet!
God bless!